Schoolwork and “work” work have been so consuming this past month. I keep sitting down to write a nice ‘lil meaty essay for you, but the words do not come, and the time is not there. So, here are some random updates and musings.
The tea is behind the paywall for the real ones (my subscribers) at the bottom. So, if you want to get the petty gossip, pony up. 😈
DJ John John
We probably should not be paying for Sirius XM but, damn, I love it! Pop2K is my J-A-M. I am enamored with how the universe always finds a way to send me Eminem’s “Lose Yourself” when driving to a stats exam. But, recently, I have been all about John Mayer’s new radio station. Judge me all you want for enjoying his smooth yet gravely, emotionally complicated voice every few songs. FORGIVE me for wanting to experience a truly perfect curation that nails the hits and surfaces under the-radar bops.
“John knows how to pick ‘em,” I said outloud to my husband the other day,
“I love that you think John Mayer is picking out all these songs,” he said.
“I know it’s not sitting there in a DJ booth 24 hours a day crafting a playlist, but I think he has a hand in the selection.”
My husband shook his head.
I felt the need to defend us (John and I, of course). “I am certain he gives a lot of direction!”
Eye roll.
“Every few songs he talks about the artists and why he loves that particular song!”
Not convinced.
“HE’S PICKING THE MUSIC, JACOB.”
“HAND-SELECTED BY JOHN MAYER.”
You know what? I don’t care about the truth. It makes me happy to think about John Mayer in the DJ booth spinning tracks just for me as I drive, and I don’t care if it makes me delulu.
Also, just got this text:
Feeling Fresh
Both children have become picky dressers with strict self-imposed uniforms. My son will almost exclusively wear hand-me-down skater play dresses and/or black leggings, or bike shorts. He says that dresses and shorts keep him feeling “fresh.” He can be cajoled into a black t-shirt, and somehow, we get him into his t-ball uniform once a week. My daughter pretty much only wants to wear pink and/or Elmo or Mickey.
These are just the daytime requirements. Pajamas are a THING, too. For a long time, he only wanted pajamas with short sleeves. Then it had to be shorts and a T-shirt. Now, he demands a long-sleeved top and shorts. That last preference shift happened literally overnight. Kid’s jammies don’t come that way in sets, so I have to buy multiple, mix, and match. He likes them to be red, black, gray, or Spiderman. My daughter’s evening apparel is not much different––pink or Elmo. That’s it.
Me? I’m doing a lot of laundry and placing too many Target pick-ups to prevent the laundry, which is all to avoid being time-consuming and emotionally draining. It’s all so MUCH, but as the millennial parenting school of Instagram has taught me, my kids aren’t trying to be annoying; they’re just annoyed. The kids are at various stages of becoming little individuals looking for opportunities to assert control over their lives in any way they can––which ends up being expressed in things like clothes, food, and a hundred other tiny decisions a day we, as adults, no longer register. How fun for me, the personnel legally responsible for controlling (and protecting) their lives!
Can someone please make an app that gives me a projected timeline for these obsessions with alerts and calendar invites for when one will end and another will begin?
What’s Wrong With Croutons?
As I took off my Sonicare toothbrush head for the millionth time to clean out the gunky composite of toothpaste, mold, and God knows what other organisms or elements, I glanced up at my husband’s relatively new electric toothbrush from OralB. (This isn’t an ad!) It was sleek, self-contained, and didn’t require a space-consuming charger and proximity to an outlet. Hmm…
“Do you like your new toothbrush?” I yelled from the bathroom.
“I do!”
“Yeah, I might be done with the Sonicare.”
“Sonicare sucks.”
Sonicare DOES suck.
But what I found interesting is that we don’t have the same toothbrush (yet). In fact, we use a lot of different products. We each have distinct preferences in taste and opinion that extend into brand affinity. This feels like a millennial thing.
After giving his order to a server years ago, I asked my Dad a question.
“Why don’t you like croutons"?
“Why?”
“You specifically ordered your salad without croutons.”
“Oh, I actually don’t know. Your mom just always orders salads that way.”
He’d been missing out on toasted old bread for years! Come to think of it, he and Mom used the same for almost everything! Was it because he was always working and she was the only one shopping? Or is this what happens after the 10-year mark?
It makes me wonder if the glaring individuality in our marriage is due to personalities, because we got married later, or because we have different algorithms feeding us different brand advertising all day. We have more far places to shop, autonomy over who shops for what, and convenience when we shop.
Maybe it’s about none of this, and it’s only a matter of time before we meld into one unit that orders salads without croutons because it’s just how my dad used to it.
Upward Spirals
Now that I’m almost done with my second year of graduate school, I need to start giving myself some credit for the new content knowledge I’ve acquired. I’ve been plodding along slowly but surely, so it’s hard to recognize how much I have actually learned. Perhaps you’d be interested in knowing more about it, too. So, let’s talk about a theory that pops up a lot in positive psychology: upward spirals!
You’re probably thinking, isn’t that just the opposite of a downward spiral? You’d be correct. Broadly speaking, that is exactly what it is. But, like most things in academia, IT’S MORE COMPLICATED THAN THAT. Let’s start with a theory––a really good one.
Barbara Fredrickson’s evidence-based broaden-and-build theory suggests that experiencing positive emotions expands people’s mindset, encouraging them to pursue exploration, creativity, and innovation. This shift in thinking and behaviors ultimately increases physical, emotional, social, and psychological resources. So, the better you feel, the better you act, and this cycle doesn’t just loop back around to repeat. It spirals upward toward enhanced emotional well-being. Empirical studies have proven this!
As I assume you assumed, downward spirals are the opposite. Negative thoughts narrow the mind and reduce resource building. While upward spirals lead to abundance and mental well-being, downward spirals create scarcity and mental illness.
So, the bottom line is that happy or positive emotions aren’t as fluffy as we commonly think! They're pretty tough if you put them to work for yourself.
What about in practice?
What are ways to promote positive emotions and then capitalize on them? Here are two options:
Gratitude! Journal, send letters or make it a habit to verbalize appreciation. Science says showing gratitude is a major predictor of positive emotions and well-being.
Savoring! Being fully present and appreciative of people and experiences can help fuel positive emotions.
And when in doubt, think of Jack Donaghy.
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