Meeting Your Milestones
Now what?
Oh, hello, remember me? Been a hot minute. I was busy trying to eek out a master’s degree, as I shimmied under the last rung of the 30-something limbo bar. But, I made it! One of the two major milestones in May 2025 is down.
I’ll be continuing on in the Ph.D. program in the fall, which made me second-guess whether I should even walk in the ceremony, but it’s important to stop and celebrate milestones. I spent three years juggling babies, toddlers, a full-time job, losing a job, struggling to get the new job, and completing 48 units of OMG THAT WAS HARD coursework. I didn’t just finish some classes; I rewired my brain in many ways.
But that was the point! That is THE point of anything worthwhile.
Three years ago, I found myself in the liminal space of a newly post-vaccine pandemic on an endless loop of freelance clients (a flush market I’d happily return to now), and pregnant with my second child. I was 36 years old, staring down my late thirties, reconsidering my direction and purpose, but I didn’t know that then. I just thought I was bored. And, I was! But, more deeply than that, I was daunted by 24/7 toddler care and a feeling of restlessness with a lack of challenge in my work.
Throughout this journey, many people have asked, “How do you do school with kids and work?” My honest response is, “How could I have managed having kids and work without school?”
Subconsciously, I applied for graduate school at eight months pregnant as an escape route. For the first half of my thirties, I had intentionally constructed a traditional life––the career, husband, house, and kids––and now I was purposely giving myself a ripcord to parachute out. There’s nothing wrong with the life I built, and I wouldn’t trade it for the world. But, to borrow some words from Ariel, “I want more.” When you’re stuck at home with babies and toddlers (in lockdown, no less), it’s easy to “want to be where the people are.”
I will be 40 years old in under 48 hours, and if I have one big lesson from this past decade, it’s that: it’s ok to have it “all” and still want more. You can love your life and your kids and still want to be where the people are.
When asked how I have the capacity for everything, I started using a visual metaphor of a container. We all have a container that holds everything in our lives, and most of us fill it to the brim. So, adding one more thing to that container at any given moment is impossible. But you’re allowed to have a bigger container. In fact, you’ll need a bigger container if you want to grow. Though you will need a good organizational system with clear dividers with all this new space, or it might get chaotic.
This may make the components feel like they take up less room, and maybe that’s true. But this practice ensures that you’re never spending too much time or energy on any one thing, be that work, school, parenting, exercise, or a hobby. In some ways, adding more to your life can actually prevent burnout. A diversified portfolio is always a safer bet. It makes sense, research shows that the more skill variety (the extent to which a job requires different activities and uses different skills) you have at work, the happier and more engaged you’ll be.
In the face of an increasingly lonely society, an internet culture of protecting your peace, I say more is more. And more can be good. It’s not about living with less; it’s about going after more. Infinite abundance for all!
As I stare down the barrel of 40 (quite literally, I have 4 and 0 balloons wafting in the air conditioning in front of me), I can’t help but observe that meeting milestones is an oddly empty feeling. You work so hard. Reach the peak. You take a look at the view, feel satisfied for a few moments, savor the experience, and immediately wonder what’s next. Then you remember you can’t stay there forever, and have to find your way back down and eventually face a new mountain to climb.
It’s so fucking corny, but this is why destinations are dumb and journeys are where the fun stuff happens. Still, milestones matter, even if for just a moment. Graduations matter. Birthday parties matter.
Speaking of which, I’m off to mine! I’ll see you on the other side when I’m back on the journey 🎉
